What is the hardest thing that God asks you to do? Is it to obey? Seek Him? Trust?
For me, the answer is normally trust. I have a very hard time trusting that things are under His control. I am a planner by nature. I like to have things happen when I think they should and in the manner that I think they should. However, my ideas aren't normally the same as God's.
For instance, Hubbs and I got married nearly five years ago now. Within one month of getting married, we were blessed with a pregnancy. No where was it in our plans to even consider getting pregnant that first year of honeymoon bliss. We were just coming to grips and being accepting of this coming addition to our family when we miscarried him. We don't know why, but God sustained us through that hard time and brought us out on the other side more committed to each other and to Him. Three months after losing our first child, we find that we are pregnant again. No way was it a good time for us. We were living in one of the worst apartment complexes in town, Hubbs was working part-time at a big box store and going to school full time. I was working full time at a day care here in town. We didn't have much money at all and with out work schedules not matching up and his school and home work on top of it, we didn't see each other much. Within two months of discovering this coming blessing, Hubbs went full-time to the service desk at work and got a small raise. We also had finished out the lease on the aparment and were able to move to a duplex in a better area of town. Bugs was born nearly 15 months after our wedding day. And she has been such a joy (for the most part, the twos were trying, and the threes were worse, but the closer she gets to being four, the better it has been getting). When the Bugs was four months old, Hubbs was offered a part-time position at our church as the associate pastor (he was still going to school at that point), which really helped out financially for us.
Well, we were adjusting to life with the Bugs. I was able to quit my job at the day care (thankfully, believe me, after I got pregant, there was no way I wanted my child in that environment) and things were still tight, but the bills were paid and we had food to eat. When the Bugs was eight months old, much to our utter shock and surprise, we find that we are expecting another blessing. By then, our old car was undriveable. We were living in a different duplex that had hardly any insulation, and the owner refused to believe us that the air conditioning wasn't working. When I was four months pregnant with the little one who became the Beans, Hubbs was asked to interview for store that was coming to town to be over the service desk. He figured, why not give it a try and the day of the hiring fair was offered the job. It garnered a two dollar an hour raise, and much, much, much better insurance. Bugs was born in February and is totally different than her big sister.
Since then, we bought a house (let's just say that was a learning experience in and of itself, one we wish we could unlearn), then after being assured his job at the church was secure, Hubbs was let go. It was a bad situation. We figured that we could live on the income from his retail job (basically a managerial position but at an entry level, hourly wage) for maybe three months max. It has been nearly two years. We have sought other employment where ever there was an opening that looked interesting, and so far, the right doors haven't been opened for us. And yet, we have had enough. Just enough. We have always had food, even though at times I wondered if I would be able to get groceries that week, the bills have always been paid. There is literally no wiggle room in our budget, and yet, we are surviving on it.
And through all these hard times, the lesson that we have learned is to trust God. He will supply ALL your needs. Sometimes in ways that you would have never expected. We sold the old white car rather unexpectedly. We had a better than expected tax return the last two years which have helped immensly with paying off the medical bill from the Bug's birth and helping with a few other things. We have been provided for including homeschooling curriculum. My wonderful Mother-in-law bought me the curriculum I wanted for the Bugs for her first official year of homeschooling. Then, I was accepted as a part of The Old Schoolhouse Crew where I will be getting homeschooling things to review. It has been amazing. As my husband reminds me, God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He will spare us a little milk. And He has.
God has proven Himself to be trustworthy time and time again in our lives. I don't know why I still sometimes struggle with trusting Him for the best in all aspects of our lives. But I do. Let's work on remembering that our God is a God who can be trusted, and let's stop listening to the doubts, shall we?